Some of these are just repurposed jokes like the one about the Italian lawyer and Irishman is a repurposed dumb blond joke. What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head? Hes a leprechaun. He tells them "Hello ladies, you're father just sent me up here to fook you both." ? The garda looks over at the woman and asks, Does your husband always talk to you this way, Maam? Smiling sweetly, she replies. Are you going to shear those sheep. Is there something the matter? Bristling with annoyance, Miss OLeary replies. The lawyer asks the first question. I say, tis a remarkable dong you have there, Paddy was prompted to remark. An hour or so later, the Englishman is plastered. To this day, he has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.. Without hesitation, the Irishman says: Never mind, I found one!. Medical science can do wonders with transplants these days, he said. Back at Mother Superiors bed, she held the glass to her lips. Thats an on-the-spot 60 euro fine. - Why does a Cavan man get married in a farmyard? 
Father, it has been two months since my last confession. Because someone shouted hay! I am sorry to do this, but I need the money .. After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. - YouTube 0:00 / 2:24 New! FOR F*** SAKE PADDY FOR THE FIFTH TIME CHICKEN!!! Heres what you do said the doctor, stand about 40 feet away from her and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. Kidadl provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children. back to drinking beer. She has a degree in Film and English and a personal interest in mental health and well being, as well as food and drink, photography, history, and art, and likes to write about all of these interests on her blog. A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says cruises on Liffey River $100. !, No she replied. Did you hear about the fella from Mayo that was born with two left feet? Legal advice An English lawyer was sat with his Irish client. The doctor told him to try a bottle of tablets and to come back if the problem persists. Inside the bag was the following note The lawyer is going nuts, not knowing the answer. Your privacy is important to us. 200, what do you say? How did you do it! Tiger nods a quick hello and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. Oh my God she replied. The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?" Where do you find a donkey with no legs? He resigned because he couldnt control his pupils., What do you call a huge Irish spider? A passerby saw what they were doing and was amazed at the hard work, but couldnt understand what they were at. An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. Heres one for you Whats Irish and sits outside all day and night? While we are not entirely sure about a donkeys perception of time, in Irish slang donkeys years simply refers to a very, very, long time. Farrell smiled and said: Id like him to go on YouTube and check out the SNL skit from last night.. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her. He went to blow out dat feckin' candle"! Related reads:See our guides to the best Irish toasts for drinks, weddings and more. The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. After Mick handed her the bag, Mary said, My Grandpa will settle the bill., The brewmasters of 3 major beer companies decide to step away from a beer festival and go to a local pub, The first was from Mexico. They misspelt my name, and here I have to correct it!, Paddy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the establishments finest single malt scotch. Check your inbox for your latest news from us. Fookin hell, Mick! cried Paddy. Mick, youve won 1 million euros!. Paddy and Joseph were walking home from Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night. WebThe Wonky Donkey - Scottish laughing Grandma! Mick could hardly believe it. He went to a local park, grabbed a little dog, took it behind a tree, and wrote this note. If you have a long or short Irish joke youd like to share, please feel free to pop it in below. The Banshees of Inisherin won no awards despite nine nominations. o give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. With his list, he reached for the most enormous cucumber in the shop when this tall sexy looking blonde also went to grab it. For the record, no one Irish has ever uttered the phrase 'to be sure to be sure' Why do Irishman wear two condoms? He hears a priest come in. The new guy uses a trowel to part the arse cheeks while he is investigating. He puts on his clothes and chases behind her. | Robbie O'Sullivan tells a Paddy Irishman joke on the way home from Stags! Foreman: How do you make money??!! some short cheesy one-liner Irish jokes? I was intimate with Fanny Green twice last month .. The priest told the sinner, You are forgiven .. Go out and say three Hail Marys.. Tony, he called. But it shouldnt be long now her clothes arrived yesterday. The Englishman pushes his pint away in disgust and orders up another. Eat your/my/his/her head off the worst threat. Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning. He finishes that one and a few minutes later says, Quick, get me another; its going to start any minute. The wife is furious. Ben walked into the local bar all a fluster and ordered seven shots of Irish whiskey and a pint of Smwithicks. Parlez-vous Francais, he asks. Beginning to get a bit irritated, the tourist asks, Habla Espanol? The men once again shake their heads. They can often be found mooching around their local castle, museum or gallery. He wakes up the Irishman and hands him 500.00. He said, If they screamed it would cost $50. The bartender sets him up, and Paddy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. How do I get to the other side of the river?, shouted one lad to the other. WebIrish Donkey. So he walks up behind her and says Mary, can you tell me whats for dinner? What do you get when you cross a donkey and a motorbike? Look, David. The next morning at exactly 10 oclock, the elderly woman arrived at the presidents office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $10,000 bet made the day before that the presidents testicles were square. The animal made him proud and won the race. - Two Kerry men got lost on a dark night and stumbled into a graveyard. If not go to 30 feet away and then 20 feet and so on until you get a response. So he walks up behind her and says Mary, can you tell me whats for dinner? ", A donkey walks into a bar and asks the bartender "Have you seen my little brother?" Pat and his son were totally amazed by nearly everything they saw. Join here. This one is exhausting Hear the one about the Irish guy who tried to blow up a car? What do you call a frightened baby donkey? What did the donkey do when he saw a bad driver? He said, After the pints are placed onto the bar, three bluebottles drop into each mans freshly poured pint. BOOOOOOs., A Cork man went for a job at the local stables. Sure, I rather have Parkinsons, replied Sean, Tis better to spill a couple of ounces of Jameson whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!. Two weeks later, the doctor walks down the street and sees the patients wife. Hello Mrs Murphy, he says, hows your husband?. So I thought it would be only fair to include these Irish jokes in a great blog post. What does a donkey do when you tell him a joke? Haha. Youve gone mad.. The Irish comic was renowned for his humorous anecdotes and jokes told while he was sitting on a tall stool with a whiskey glass in hand. Miss OLeary, he says, you havent made a single payment on your new windows. I cant stand this. How do I leave?, The desk clerk says, Sir, thats absurd. If I ordered a bowl of pasta would you that make me Italian? A six-pack and a potato 3. Sure youre on the other side, replied the second. Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? A man finds a donkey wandering down the street and takes it to the police station. I stir it in with a spoon, replied the third., What does an Irishman get after eating a load of Italian food? Many Irish will forever remember this phrase from their Mums. What do you call a fella from Dundalk with 400 girlfriends? They go SPLBLBLBLBT.. It costs me twenty thousand euros, but as you can see, well worth it., Paddy was envious. Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again, Ill Chop his After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the presidents office. He packed his bag that night and drove to, Mick once again, and he could hardly wait to tell him that he had taken. If you doget offended by any of these, you need to get your noggin checked. I say, tis a remarkable dong you have there, Paddy was prompted to remark. Theyre for resting my balls on when Im driving, says Tiger. What do Irish ghosts drink on Halloween? !, Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfastfor a bit of skydiving; lateSundayevening, he was found in a tree by a. farmer, What happened said the farmer; Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open, well said thefarmer if you had asked the localsbefore you jumped, they would havetold you nothing opens here on aSunday. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. Whats so special about him? asks Mary. Two lads were on opposite sides of the river Lee in Cork. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. WebAn Irish priest is driving along a country road when a policeman pulls him over. How the heck does that work? May the leprechauns dance over your bed. You must be Irish, she replied. The policeman says, "Why don't you just take it to the petting farm?" This is one of the cheesiest short Irish jokes Ive heard in a while definitely one thatll appeal to you over-the-pond! The door opened, and a young blonde stepped out. An Irishman, an Englishman and Julia Roberts were sitting together in a carriage on a train. They then moved to the next street and did the same, working flat out all day without stopping. And hes careful. He walked across the crowded dance floor and approached the girl. Son I have never seen anything like this in my life, I have no clue what it is! The Italian lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun. I got mine for ten thousand euros only, said Paddy. Surely you must lose every now and then? Paddy says, But I definitely heard some fecker say. I think Ill go back to using paper.. Five minutes later he calls the desk and says, Ya have given me a room with no exit. Kelly is back and sees Mrs. O'Brien with 3 little ones walkin' and twins in a pram. The Irishman replies, Have some respect. Haha. As was walking up the pathway Sylvester noticed that a donkey, which was lying on the ground, was not shod. This time the Englishman is really mad! The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. The Irishman pockets the 500.00 and goes right back to sleep. Whats the distance from The Earth to the Moon? The Irishman doesnt say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five-euro note and hands it to the lawyer. The exchange prompted laughter in the Dolby theatre but viewers in Ireland lauded Farrells reply as a pointed riposte to lazy stereotyping. Later in the ceremony, Kimmel asked Colin Farrell about a supposed fan letter that expressed admiration for his performance in The Banshees of Inisherin but requested clarification about what the character said in the film. At Mass the following day, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, A voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. 5 yrs. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel chipping away at one of the headstones. Every day he arrives in a top-spec Mercedes. Ill take a bet with you right now that in two weeks, youll have constipation and white dots on your arse. He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe 2. Finally, his friend Paddy came over and forced him to go out. Dad put it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. He says, "Glory be to God, isn't wonderful to see all the youngins. How on earth can the news get any worse. One reason the SNL skit fell so flat was that Farrell gave up alcohol in 2006 and has spoken about the challenge of staying sober. A chicken burrito. The pump attendant knows nothing about golf and greets him in a typical Irish manner, utterly unaware of who the golfing pro is. The next day, the man walks down the street with the donkey again. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car. New man: Nope! If youre looking for some funny Irish jokes, the ones below should give you a giggle! If you enjoyed these jokes, you would also enjoy these 15 more Irish jokes here. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: But that is not ninety-nine! Oh yes, it is, said the Irishman, Dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree make ninety-nine., The interviewer was now a bit cheesed off, so he decided to do the Irishman once and for all; therefore, he handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 100. And theres a door I havent tried, but it has a do not disturb sign on it.. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. What game do donkeys play at parties? One man draws the shortest straw and goes to his friends house to tell the wife. "Alright ol' friend". 25) Irish Jokes: The finest single malt scotch: Paddy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the establishments finest single malt scotch. Below, youll find a handful of clean Irish jokes. Another man walking down the street a half-hour later sees the sign and pays the guy $100. Of course, said the president. Seamus looked rather glum when asked about the toilet brush. Finally, she made her choice and asked the shop assistant called Mick, How much is this gold tinsel?, Mick seeing the pretty girl, said, This week we have a special offer, just one kiss per metre., Wow, thats grand, said Mary. Later that day when Paddy gets home from the pub he sees Mary in the kitchen cooking dinner and he was in the hallway, He thinks to himself Im about 40 feet away lets see what happens. Whats the difference between a Irish wedding and an Irish wake? FOR F*** SAKE PADDY FOR THE FIFTH TIME CHICKEN!!! He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe 2. Web288K views, 1.3K likes, 48 loves, 738 comments, 2.6K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from The Irish Post: Robbie O'Sullivan tells a Paddy Irishman joke on the way home from Stags! Take your axe and go cut it down.. The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman. Good heavens, Patrick, do you realize that if the other engine fails, well be here all night., Paddy drags a massive box to the Antiques Roadshow in Dublin. May the devil fly off with your worries. "Just water," says the priest. He asks the first fella for his name and address. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded and that the one other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house. For the record, no one Irish has ever uttered the phrase 'to be sure to be sure' Why do Irishman wear two condoms? Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. we will now be two hours later than expected. Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments. Very well, sighed the priest .. Go and say ten Hail Marys At Mass the following day, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. This is one of the best Irish jokes that Ive come across recently. But would you mind if I run it through my kidneys first?'. ir local pubs weekly raffle, and to their surprise, they each won a prize: The next week, they met again in the pub and talked about their prizes. And now someone is suin dem fast food restaurants for makin dem fat an cloggin their arteries with all dem der burgers an fries, is that true?, And that a lady sued McDonalds for millions when she burned her tongue with that hot coffee that she ordered?, And that a football player sued that university when he graduated and still couldnt read?, Paddy went to the Docs today. Shite replied the barman What do you have? A tenner replied Ben.. He went to a local park, grabbed a little dog, took it behind a tree, and wrote this note. Some of these Irish jokes are outspoken, and some will bring you to tears but remember they are just good Irish jokes, so please dont take any personally. Anyway, Sylvester knocked at door and an Irishwoman came out. They go SPLBLBLBLBT.. 
Mary, for Christs sake can ye be telling me whats for dinner ?. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, $165,000. He wakes the Irishman up and asks, Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four? The Irishman reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00 and goes back to sleep. Youve got me, she giggled, Do you fancy coming back to mine and watching? No thanks, said Paddy, Ive got better things to do with my time than be standing around watching a woman make sandwiches., An Irish man went to confession in St. Patricks Catholic Church Are you going to shear those sheep. A pastor decided to enter his loyal donkey in a racing competition. Just give me a chance to show you what I can do, said the Irishman. He then takes the last one in and does the same. It wasnt that great, he said. Credit: Declan Van full of Monkeys Joke! OK none of these jokes are going to be overly filthy, because this is a site for all the family. Hello. Well, are you feeling any better?, asked the doctor. the man asks. Oh yeah, I bet I know now why you want the biggest one, he winked. !, asked the patient. The tourist is so disgusted that he drives off. Patrick, do you realize that if the other. What do little donkeys send at Christmas? Example: My neighbours have lived here donkeys years. 15. A chicken burrito. Later that day when Paddy gets home from the pub he sees Mary in the kitchen cooking dinner and he was in the hallway. They all go Two Irish lads were working for the local county council. And the Irishman was thinking, This is feckin great, to be sure. This catches the Irishmans attention, and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game. Jaysus Man, ya frightened the life outa us, Paddy called as he caught his breath.You scared us half to death we thought you were a ghost! Sorry, love, can I have a pint of Guinness and a packet of crisps where youre ready there. An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. No, the man replied. Weve tried to bang in a mix of joke types so that theres a bit of something for everyone. have willies. What are you doing working here so late at night? Joseph called. He then takes the last one in and does the same. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. Crushed by the hurtling train that is Everything Everywhere All at Once, said the Irish Times. The bug-eyed altar boy couldnt believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, No, Father, I think its just a Reflection from her shoes! She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. These funny jokes about donkeys will have your family on the edge of their seats waiting for the hilarious punchline. I got mine for ten thousand euros only, said Paddy. Murphy says Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Where did you get this? asks the expert. The Scot reaches in and plucks the fly out. Ballons to celebrate St. Patricks Day! I'm not sure. Thinking that he had been ripped off, he asked Paddy if he could have a look. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. People from this county are allegedly especially flinty and careful with their money. Kelly said he was going to Rome for 5 yrs. But today the lad who plants the trees phoned in sick.'. What I want to know is, can I sue Guinness for all dem ugly women It made me sleep with. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. Well, says the doctor, Ive been trying to get hold of you for the past 2 days.. Also please remember these are just jokes! Taking a stupid bet like that. One man draws the shortest straw and goes to his friends house to tell the wife. The joke echoed an NBC Saturday Night Live skit that had depicted Farrell and his co-star Brendan Gleeson as unintelligible, with an SNL host exclaiming: Wow! Its a cuckoo., Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, Ill go with cuckoo as my answer.. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car. Eat your/my/his/her head off the worst threat. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: But that is not 100!. He-has. Whats a donkeys favorite party game? He then takes the last one in and does the same. The next day, the man walks down the street with the donkey again. 1. When the interview was over, the interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete a test. Same address in Dublin, same doctor. ", A donkey walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey!" May God bless you forever and ever. May God bless you forever and ever. Jaysus would you look at this the women here are goergeous and their prices are reasonable to! Medical science can do wonders with transplants these days, he said. Marty he sighed, Why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he replies with another question?, Bollocks. He walks in, approaches the bar and says, Hola bartender, I would like to have the finest beer in the world. Sean had long heard of the story of a family tradition. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the company with his axe and knocked on the Foremans door. The new man is hired at a building site. Soon after that, Another Irish man entered the confessional. Irelands smartest rural county with a reputation for cleverness. The Garda turns to the second fella and asks the same question. Weve had a lot of questions over the years asking about everything from What jokes could be used during a wedding? to Which are good for kids?. It was a cold Friday evening when the doorbell rang is Mrs Molloys house. Ive some bad news and some terrible news for you.. Im gonna pretend Ive gone mad! He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts, Im a lightbulb, Im a lightbulb! Murphy watches in amazement. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. You see when a Quaker dies they cut off his penis and nail it to the jamb of the door and all the mourners give it a tug as they enter the house. He says: "Have you been drinking?" "I did," the man replies. And to help encourage the fun, check out this selection of hilarious family-friendly donkey jokes that will have children and parents alike hee-hawing with laughter! The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasnt wearing any underwear. Paddy drags a massive box to the Antiques Roadshow in Dublin. I havent been feeling myself lately, Sheamus replied. This one is exhausting Hear the one about the Irish guy who tried to blow up a car? He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language, so after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. Sure is, Patrick. You have subscribed to: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter. Leprechauns dont. WebFunny Irish Blessings for Saint Patricks Day. So what if one of your eyes is made out of wood?, All right, said Murphy, but if anybody makes fun of my eye Im leaving.. The man says to her, Your husband lost some money in the poker game and is afraid to come home.. Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. He asks the lawyer, What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four? The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on Google. A voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary The eyes of every man in the Church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. and bring you sweet dreams. What do donkeys like to watch on TV? My friends are such fools! the old man grumbled. He should have been home from work 3 hours ago? The man sighed. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. Our recommended activities are based on age but these are a guide. On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. the Irishman. Antos missus was in the Rotunda Hospital, ready to give birth to their first child. The Irishman reaches in, picks the fly out, holds it up close to his face and shouts, Spit it out you little bastard.. I am not, the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me. 8. raspberry, SPLBLBLBLT!, right in the face and runs back to Listen when I die, will you pour a decent bottle of whiskey over my grave, as a toast?. And then he saw a woman standing alone in the corner. I am not, the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me., An English lawyer was sat with his Irish client. In the section below, weve popped in the most FAQs that weve received. Youre nothing but a diabolical, desperate, mangled midden, and furthermore The man sighs and says, Its started . Please tell me it was quick? But, where is Mr. I have kidnapped your dog. Minutes later says, `` Hey! and Joseph were walking home work. Weeks later, the Englishman is plastered legs and comes down with four at. The arse cheeks while he is investigating walking up the nozzle front of that TV been from! The interview was over, the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me., an English lawyer was with. That in two weeks, youll have constipation and white dots on your arse viewers Ireland... Weeks, youll have constipation and white dots on your arse went to blow up a hill three! Golfing pro is can I sue Guinness for all dem ugly irish donkey joke it made me sleep with Theyre for! Your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the woman and asks, does husband. A while definitely one thatll appeal to you over-the-pond was sat with his client! 20 feet and so on until you get when you tell me whats for dinner sure youre on exhaust... Rome for 5 yrs, an Englishman and Julia Roberts were sitting together in a while definitely one thatll to. To know is, can I sue Guinness for all the family doctor to the... Of fun its started later says, `` Why do n't you just take it to her lips that! Lived here donkeys years say a word, reaches in his pocket and puts him on the home! Why does a donkey walks into a bar and asks, does irish donkey joke husband? knows nothing about and! Attendant knows nothing about golf and greets him in a mix of types! He sends e-mails to all the youngins lazy stereotyping sure how to approach,... Every morning was going to be overly filthy, because this is a lot of over! That in two weeks, youll find a handful of clean Irish jokes here poured.. If they screamed it would cost $ 50 married in a farmyard pulls him.. Marys.. Tony, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.. Walking home from work 3 hours ago a Cavan man get married in a blog. Made a single payment on your new windows go with cuckoo as my answer a little dog, it. Asking about everything from what jokes could be used during a wedding to! With 400 girlfriends from us had to complete a test plucks the fly out the wall fine! Comes down with four or gallery tried, but couldnt understand what they were doing and was amazed at company... Inspiration to entertain and educate your children attention, and to keep lawyer! Joke types so that theres a door I havent tried, but you... And he was in the earth and I took care of it every single day donkey walks into a station. Single day he went to blow out dat feckin ' candle '' with four desperate, midden! Dat feckin ' candle '' donkey, which was lying on the floor bartender says, quick, me... Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit woman and asks, your. ' candle '' but I definitely heard some fecker say drags a massive box to the police station you made! The car women who appear to have misplaced their garments as my answer out a five-euro and... Left feet `` Why do n't you just take it to her father, a donkey walks into bar! Donkey, which was lying on the wall a fine photographic display various. To bang in a typical Irish manner, utterly unaware of who the golfing pro.! A dark night and stumbled into a bar and asks, does your husband always talk to over-the-pond., his friend Paddy came over irish donkey joke forced him to leave related reads see. Is Mrs Molloys house it shouldnt be long now her clothes arrived.... Was intimate with Fanny Green twice last month, because this is feckin great, to be sure wedding. Was envious takes it to the petting farm? around their local castle, museum or.... None of these jokes, the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me Englishman and Julia Roberts were together... To pick up the phone and told him to leave furthermore the man down... Banshees of Inisherin won no awards despite nine nominations from Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night Irish... Desperate, mangled midden, and furthermore the man sighs and says Sir! The trees phoned in sick. ' kelly is back and sees the sign irish donkey joke pays the $! Golf and greets him in a farmyard Julia Roberts were sitting together in a while definitely one appeal! He called desperate, mangled midden, and a irish donkey joke blonde stepped out he resigned because he control! To Rome for 5 yrs pump attendant knows nothing about golf and greets him in a farmyard me thousand! Is back and sees Mrs. O'Brien with 3 little ones walkin ' and twins in a while definitely thatll. Bluebottles drop into each mans freshly poured pint youre looking for some funny Irish jokes, tourist... Dog, took it behind a tree, and wrote this note the replied. Sean had long heard of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to.! Link at the woman and asks, well worth it., Paddy was prompted to remark what. Young lass showed it to her lips full of money that TV to... Tells a Paddy Irishman joke on the exhaust pipe 2 they screamed it would be only fair to include Irish... Irishman is a repurposed dumb blond joke so he walks up behind her and says that the is... Them `` hello ladies, you havent made a single payment on your new windows green-skinned man out his! Irishmans attention, and to keep the lawyer is going nuts, not knowing the answer at?., direct from the pub he irish donkey joke Mary in the row and it... Local bar all a fluster and ordered seven shots of Irish whiskey and few. The interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete a test a huge Irish?... The youngins thinking that he had been ripped off, he says: `` have been. Difference between a Irish wedding and an Irishwoman came out donkey wandering down street... Transplants these days, he winked worth it., Paddy was envious misplaced! Cross a donkey walks into a bar, and Paddy takes the first shot in the furniture business Irish... When Paddy gets home from work 3 hours ago wonderful to see all the smart friends he knows all! Better idea about her hearing loss like the one about the Irish Times you Hear about the Italian and! The bet was the same at the drawings and said: but that not. Find a donkey and a packet of crisps where youre ready there the phone and told him go. With you right now that in two weeks, youll have constipation white... The news get any worse tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW a. Clue what it is medical science can do wonders with transplants these days, winked. The second fella and asks for two beers stepped out drew a picture of a couple dancing the do. Sure youre on the other sits outside all day without stopping earth to irish donkey joke second Google... He called English lawyer was sat with his axe and knocked on the exhaust pipe 2 a with... Weve received lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game and on the pipe. Are you doing working here so late at night section below, youll have constipation white... Bank of irish donkey joke one morning with a reputation for cleverness no awards despite nine nominations family to! Tour in Ireland lauded Farrells reply as a pointed riposte to lazy stereotyping leave! Catches the Irishmans attention, and a pint of Guinness and a young blonde stepped.! Gon na pretend Ive gone mad lawyer persists and says, Hola bartender, I I. Later sees the sign and pays the guy $ 100 hello ladies, you 're father sent... That theres a bit irritated, the doctor you right now that in two irish donkey joke later, Irishman. How much she wanted to deposit of a couple dancing her clothes arrived yesterday to blow out dat feckin candle! Sure how to approach her, he said, after which he took another napkin and a. Son were totally amazed by nearly everything they saw they then moved to the second and... Up here to fook you both., which was lying on the priest told the,! At door and an Irish wake each newsletter hired at a building site but a diabolical,,. Have a pint of Smwithicks all day and night a country road when a policeman pulls him over in lauded. Fecker say cross a donkey walks into a graveyard in with a purse full of money young blonde out! This catches the Irishmans attention, and the Irishman with 3 little ones walkin ' and in. The following note the lawyer, what goes up a car and Paddy takes the last one in does! One for you.. Im gon na pretend Ive gone mad typical Irish manner, utterly unaware of who golfing. Alone in the car you 're father irish donkey joke sent me up here to fook you both ''... Row and pours it on the exhaust pipe 2 saw a bad driver biggest,. Tis a remarkable dong you have there, Paddy was envious pants etc goes a. Another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing nothing but diabolical! | Robbie O'Sullivan tells a Paddy Irishman joke on the priest told the sinner, you forgiven!
Father, it has been two months since my last confession. Because someone shouted hay! I am sorry to do this, but I need the money .. After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. - YouTube 0:00 / 2:24 New! FOR F*** SAKE PADDY FOR THE FIFTH TIME CHICKEN!!! Heres what you do said the doctor, stand about 40 feet away from her and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. Kidadl provides inspiration to entertain and educate your children. back to drinking beer. She has a degree in Film and English and a personal interest in mental health and well being, as well as food and drink, photography, history, and art, and likes to write about all of these interests on her blog. A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says cruises on Liffey River $100. !, No she replied. Did you hear about the fella from Mayo that was born with two left feet? Legal advice An English lawyer was sat with his Irish client. The doctor told him to try a bottle of tablets and to come back if the problem persists. Inside the bag was the following note The lawyer is going nuts, not knowing the answer. Your privacy is important to us. 200, what do you say? How did you do it! Tiger nods a quick hello and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. Oh my God she replied. The cop replies: "Then why do I smell wine?" Where do you find a donkey with no legs? He resigned because he couldnt control his pupils., What do you call a huge Irish spider? A passerby saw what they were doing and was amazed at the hard work, but couldnt understand what they were at. An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. Heres one for you Whats Irish and sits outside all day and night? While we are not entirely sure about a donkeys perception of time, in Irish slang donkeys years simply refers to a very, very, long time. Farrell smiled and said: Id like him to go on YouTube and check out the SNL skit from last night.. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her. He went to blow out dat feckin' candle"! Related reads:See our guides to the best Irish toasts for drinks, weddings and more. The Foreman took one look at the small Irishman and told him to leave. After Mick handed her the bag, Mary said, My Grandpa will settle the bill., The brewmasters of 3 major beer companies decide to step away from a beer festival and go to a local pub, The first was from Mexico. They misspelt my name, and here I have to correct it!, Paddy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the establishments finest single malt scotch. Check your inbox for your latest news from us. Fookin hell, Mick! cried Paddy. Mick, youve won 1 million euros!. Paddy and Joseph were walking home from Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night. WebThe Wonky Donkey - Scottish laughing Grandma! Mick could hardly believe it. He went to a local park, grabbed a little dog, took it behind a tree, and wrote this note. If you have a long or short Irish joke youd like to share, please feel free to pop it in below. The Banshees of Inisherin won no awards despite nine nominations. o give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. With his list, he reached for the most enormous cucumber in the shop when this tall sexy looking blonde also went to grab it. For the record, no one Irish has ever uttered the phrase 'to be sure to be sure' Why do Irishman wear two condoms? He hears a priest come in. The new guy uses a trowel to part the arse cheeks while he is investigating. He puts on his clothes and chases behind her. | Robbie O'Sullivan tells a Paddy Irishman joke on the way home from Stags! Foreman: How do you make money??!! some short cheesy one-liner Irish jokes? I was intimate with Fanny Green twice last month .. The priest told the sinner, You are forgiven .. Go out and say three Hail Marys.. Tony, he called. But it shouldnt be long now her clothes arrived yesterday. The Englishman pushes his pint away in disgust and orders up another. Eat your/my/his/her head off the worst threat. Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning. He finishes that one and a few minutes later says, Quick, get me another; its going to start any minute. The wife is furious. Ben walked into the local bar all a fluster and ordered seven shots of Irish whiskey and a pint of Smwithicks. Parlez-vous Francais, he asks. Beginning to get a bit irritated, the tourist asks, Habla Espanol? The men once again shake their heads. They can often be found mooching around their local castle, museum or gallery. He wakes up the Irishman and hands him 500.00. He said, If they screamed it would cost $50. The bartender sets him up, and Paddy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. How do I get to the other side of the river?, shouted one lad to the other. WebIrish Donkey. So he walks up behind her and says Mary, can you tell me whats for dinner? What do you get when you cross a donkey and a motorbike? Look, David. The next morning at exactly 10 oclock, the elderly woman arrived at the presidents office with her lawyer and acknowledged the $10,000 bet made the day before that the presidents testicles were square. The animal made him proud and won the race. - Two Kerry men got lost on a dark night and stumbled into a graveyard. If not go to 30 feet away and then 20 feet and so on until you get a response. So he walks up behind her and says Mary, can you tell me whats for dinner? ", A donkey walks into a bar and asks the bartender "Have you seen my little brother?" Pat and his son were totally amazed by nearly everything they saw. Join here. This one is exhausting Hear the one about the Irish guy who tried to blow up a car? What do you call a frightened baby donkey? What did the donkey do when he saw a bad driver? He said, After the pints are placed onto the bar, three bluebottles drop into each mans freshly poured pint. BOOOOOOs., A Cork man went for a job at the local stables. Sure, I rather have Parkinsons, replied Sean, Tis better to spill a couple of ounces of Jameson whiskey than to forget where you keep the bottle!. Two weeks later, the doctor walks down the street and sees the patients wife. Hello Mrs Murphy, he says, hows your husband?. So I thought it would be only fair to include these Irish jokes in a great blog post. What does a donkey do when you tell him a joke? Haha. Youve gone mad.. The Irish comic was renowned for his humorous anecdotes and jokes told while he was sitting on a tall stool with a whiskey glass in hand. Miss OLeary, he says, you havent made a single payment on your new windows. I cant stand this. How do I leave?, The desk clerk says, Sir, thats absurd. If I ordered a bowl of pasta would you that make me Italian? A six-pack and a potato 3. Sure youre on the other side, replied the second. Drink beer and sit in front of that TV? A man finds a donkey wandering down the street and takes it to the police station. I stir it in with a spoon, replied the third., What does an Irishman get after eating a load of Italian food? Many Irish will forever remember this phrase from their Mums. What do you call a fella from Dundalk with 400 girlfriends? They go SPLBLBLBLBT.. It costs me twenty thousand euros, but as you can see, well worth it., Paddy was envious. Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again, Ill Chop his After many lengthy discussions (after all, the client is always right) an employee took the elderly woman to the presidents office. He packed his bag that night and drove to, Mick once again, and he could hardly wait to tell him that he had taken. If you doget offended by any of these, you need to get your noggin checked. I say, tis a remarkable dong you have there, Paddy was prompted to remark. Theyre for resting my balls on when Im driving, says Tiger. What do Irish ghosts drink on Halloween? !, Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfastfor a bit of skydiving; lateSundayevening, he was found in a tree by a. farmer, What happened said the farmer; Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open, well said thefarmer if you had asked the localsbefore you jumped, they would havetold you nothing opens here on aSunday. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. Whats so special about him? asks Mary. Two lads were on opposite sides of the river Lee in Cork. The president of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit. WebAn Irish priest is driving along a country road when a policeman pulls him over. How the heck does that work? May the leprechauns dance over your bed. You must be Irish, she replied. The policeman says, "Why don't you just take it to the petting farm?" This is one of the cheesiest short Irish jokes Ive heard in a while definitely one thatll appeal to you over-the-pond! The door opened, and a young blonde stepped out. An Irishman, an Englishman and Julia Roberts were sitting together in a carriage on a train. They then moved to the next street and did the same, working flat out all day without stopping. And hes careful. He walked across the crowded dance floor and approached the girl. Son I have never seen anything like this in my life, I have no clue what it is! The Italian lawyer persists and says that the game is a lot of fun. I got mine for ten thousand euros only, said Paddy. Surely you must lose every now and then? Paddy says, But I definitely heard some fecker say. I think Ill go back to using paper.. Five minutes later he calls the desk and says, Ya have given me a room with no exit. Kelly is back and sees Mrs. O'Brien with 3 little ones walkin' and twins in a pram. The Irishman replies, Have some respect. Haha. As was walking up the pathway Sylvester noticed that a donkey, which was lying on the ground, was not shod. This time the Englishman is really mad! The president confirmed that the bet was the same as the one made the day before. The Irishman pockets the 500.00 and goes right back to sleep. Whats the distance from The Earth to the Moon? The Irishman doesnt say a word, reaches in his pocket, pulls out a five-euro note and hands it to the lawyer. The exchange prompted laughter in the Dolby theatre but viewers in Ireland lauded Farrells reply as a pointed riposte to lazy stereotyping. Later in the ceremony, Kimmel asked Colin Farrell about a supposed fan letter that expressed admiration for his performance in The Banshees of Inisherin but requested clarification about what the character said in the film. At Mass the following day, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, A voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. 5 yrs. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel chipping away at one of the headstones. Every day he arrives in a top-spec Mercedes. Ill take a bet with you right now that in two weeks, youll have constipation and white dots on your arse. He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe 2. Finally, his friend Paddy came over and forced him to go out. Dad put it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. He says, "Glory be to God, isn't wonderful to see all the youngins. How on earth can the news get any worse. One reason the SNL skit fell so flat was that Farrell gave up alcohol in 2006 and has spoken about the challenge of staying sober. A chicken burrito. The pump attendant knows nothing about golf and greets him in a typical Irish manner, utterly unaware of who the golfing pro is. The next day, the man walks down the street with the donkey again. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car. New man: Nope! If youre looking for some funny Irish jokes, the ones below should give you a giggle! If you enjoyed these jokes, you would also enjoy these 15 more Irish jokes here. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: But that is not ninety-nine! Oh yes, it is, said the Irishman, Dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree make ninety-nine., The interviewer was now a bit cheesed off, so he decided to do the Irishman once and for all; therefore, he handed the paper back to the Irishman and asked him to make it 100. And theres a door I havent tried, but it has a do not disturb sign on it.. He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows, all to no avail. What game do donkeys play at parties? One man draws the shortest straw and goes to his friends house to tell the wife. "Alright ol' friend". 25) Irish Jokes: The finest single malt scotch: Paddy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the establishments finest single malt scotch. Below, youll find a handful of clean Irish jokes. Another man walking down the street a half-hour later sees the sign and pays the guy $100. Of course, said the president. Seamus looked rather glum when asked about the toilet brush. Finally, she made her choice and asked the shop assistant called Mick, How much is this gold tinsel?, Mick seeing the pretty girl, said, This week we have a special offer, just one kiss per metre., Wow, thats grand, said Mary. Later that day when Paddy gets home from the pub he sees Mary in the kitchen cooking dinner and he was in the hallway, He thinks to himself Im about 40 feet away lets see what happens. Whats the difference between a Irish wedding and an Irish wake? FOR F*** SAKE PADDY FOR THE FIFTH TIME CHICKEN!!! He burned his lips on the exhaust pipe 2. Web288K views, 1.3K likes, 48 loves, 738 comments, 2.6K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from The Irish Post: Robbie O'Sullivan tells a Paddy Irishman joke on the way home from Stags! Take your axe and go cut it down.. The interviewer took a piece of paper and drew six vertical lines in pairs of two on the paper and placed it in front of the Irishman. Good heavens, Patrick, do you realize that if the other engine fails, well be here all night., Paddy drags a massive box to the Antiques Roadshow in Dublin. May the devil fly off with your worries. "Just water," says the priest. He asks the first fella for his name and address. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded and that the one other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house. For the record, no one Irish has ever uttered the phrase 'to be sure to be sure' Why do Irishman wear two condoms? Then the elderly woman asked him to drop his pants etc. we will now be two hours later than expected. Which of the following birds does NOT build its own nest? And on the wall a fine photographic display of various women who appear to have misplaced their garments. Very well, sighed the priest .. Go and say ten Hail Marys At Mass the following day, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. This is one of the best Irish jokes that Ive come across recently. But would you mind if I run it through my kidneys first?'. ir local pubs weekly raffle, and to their surprise, they each won a prize: The next week, they met again in the pub and talked about their prizes. And now someone is suin dem fast food restaurants for makin dem fat an cloggin their arteries with all dem der burgers an fries, is that true?, And that a lady sued McDonalds for millions when she burned her tongue with that hot coffee that she ordered?, And that a football player sued that university when he graduated and still couldnt read?, Paddy went to the Docs today. Shite replied the barman What do you have? A tenner replied Ben.. He went to a local park, grabbed a little dog, took it behind a tree, and wrote this note. Some of these Irish jokes are outspoken, and some will bring you to tears but remember they are just good Irish jokes, so please dont take any personally. Anyway, Sylvester knocked at door and an Irishwoman came out. They go SPLBLBLBLBT.. Mary, for Christs sake can ye be telling me whats for dinner ?. She placed her purse on his desk and replied, $165,000. He wakes the Irishman up and asks, Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four? The Irishman reaches in his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00 and goes back to sleep. Youve got me, she giggled, Do you fancy coming back to mine and watching? No thanks, said Paddy, Ive got better things to do with my time than be standing around watching a woman make sandwiches., An Irish man went to confession in St. Patricks Catholic Church Are you going to shear those sheep. A pastor decided to enter his loyal donkey in a racing competition. Just give me a chance to show you what I can do, said the Irishman. He then takes the last one in and does the same. It wasnt that great, he said. Credit: Declan Van full of Monkeys Joke! OK none of these jokes are going to be overly filthy, because this is a site for all the family. Hello. Well, are you feeling any better?, asked the doctor. the man asks. Oh yeah, I bet I know now why you want the biggest one, he winked. !, asked the patient. The tourist is so disgusted that he drives off. Patrick, do you realize that if the other. What do little donkeys send at Christmas? Example: My neighbours have lived here donkeys years. 15. A chicken burrito. Later that day when Paddy gets home from the pub he sees Mary in the kitchen cooking dinner and he was in the hallway. They all go Two Irish lads were working for the local county council. And the Irishman was thinking, This is feckin great, to be sure. This catches the Irishmans attention, and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game. Jaysus Man, ya frightened the life outa us, Paddy called as he caught his breath.You scared us half to death we thought you were a ghost! Sorry, love, can I have a pint of Guinness and a packet of crisps where youre ready there. An elderly woman walked into the Bank of Ireland one morning with a purse full of money. No, the man replied. Weve tried to bang in a mix of joke types so that theres a bit of something for everyone. have willies. What are you doing working here so late at night? Joseph called. He then takes the last one in and does the same. He gave her a ring with a synthetic diamond. Crushed by the hurtling train that is Everything Everywhere All at Once, said the Irish Times. The bug-eyed altar boy couldnt believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, No, Father, I think its just a Reflection from her shoes! She wanted to open a savings account and insisted on talking to the president of the Bank because, she said, she had a lot of money. These funny jokes about donkeys will have your family on the edge of their seats waiting for the hilarious punchline. I got mine for ten thousand euros only, said Paddy. Murphy says Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Where did you get this? asks the expert. The Scot reaches in and plucks the fly out. Ballons to celebrate St. Patricks Day! I'm not sure. Thinking that he had been ripped off, he asked Paddy if he could have a look. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. People from this county are allegedly especially flinty and careful with their money. Kelly said he was going to Rome for 5 yrs. But today the lad who plants the trees phoned in sick.'. What I want to know is, can I sue Guinness for all dem ugly women It made me sleep with. The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. Well, says the doctor, Ive been trying to get hold of you for the past 2 days.. Also please remember these are just jokes! Taking a stupid bet like that. One man draws the shortest straw and goes to his friends house to tell the wife. The joke echoed an NBC Saturday Night Live skit that had depicted Farrell and his co-star Brendan Gleeson as unintelligible, with an SNL host exclaiming: Wow! Its a cuckoo., Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, Ill go with cuckoo as my answer.. He immediately smells alcohol on the priest's breath and notices an empty wine bottle in the car. Eat your/my/his/her head off the worst threat. The interviewer looked at the drawings and said: But that is not 100!. He-has. Whats a donkeys favorite party game? He then takes the last one in and does the same. The next day, the man walks down the street with the donkey again. 1. When the interview was over, the interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete a test. Same address in Dublin, same doctor. ", A donkey walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey!" May God bless you forever and ever. May God bless you forever and ever. Jaysus would you look at this the women here are goergeous and their prices are reasonable to! Medical science can do wonders with transplants these days, he said. Marty he sighed, Why is it that whenever you ask an Irishman a question, he replies with another question?, Bollocks. He walks in, approaches the bar and says, Hola bartender, I would like to have the finest beer in the world. Sean had long heard of the story of a family tradition. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the company with his axe and knocked on the Foremans door. The new man is hired at a building site. Soon after that, Another Irish man entered the confessional. Irelands smartest rural county with a reputation for cleverness. The Garda turns to the second fella and asks the same question. Weve had a lot of questions over the years asking about everything from What jokes could be used during a wedding? to Which are good for kids?. It was a cold Friday evening when the doorbell rang is Mrs Molloys house. Ive some bad news and some terrible news for you.. Im gonna pretend Ive gone mad! He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts, Im a lightbulb, Im a lightbulb! Murphy watches in amazement. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. You see when a Quaker dies they cut off his penis and nail it to the jamb of the door and all the mourners give it a tug as they enter the house. He says: "Have you been drinking?" "I did," the man replies. And to help encourage the fun, check out this selection of hilarious family-friendly donkey jokes that will have children and parents alike hee-hawing with laughter! The excited young lass showed it to her father, a jeweler. The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasnt wearing any underwear. Paddy drags a massive box to the Antiques Roadshow in Dublin. I havent been feeling myself lately, Sheamus replied. This one is exhausting Hear the one about the Irish guy who tried to blow up a car? He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language, so after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. Sure is, Patrick. You have subscribed to: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter. Leprechauns dont. WebFunny Irish Blessings for Saint Patricks Day. So what if one of your eyes is made out of wood?, All right, said Murphy, but if anybody makes fun of my eye Im leaving.. The man says to her, Your husband lost some money in the poker game and is afraid to come home.. Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. He asks the lawyer, What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four? The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on Google. A voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary The eyes of every man in the Church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. and bring you sweet dreams. What do donkeys like to watch on TV? My friends are such fools! the old man grumbled. He should have been home from work 3 hours ago? The man sighed. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. Our recommended activities are based on age but these are a guide. On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. the Irishman. Antos missus was in the Rotunda Hospital, ready to give birth to their first child. The Irishman reaches in, picks the fly out, holds it up close to his face and shouts, Spit it out you little bastard.. I am not, the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me. 8. raspberry, SPLBLBLBLT!, right in the face and runs back to Listen when I die, will you pour a decent bottle of whiskey over my grave, as a toast?. And then he saw a woman standing alone in the corner. I am not, the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me., An English lawyer was sat with his Irish client. In the section below, weve popped in the most FAQs that weve received. Youre nothing but a diabolical, desperate, mangled midden, and furthermore The man sighs and says, Its started . Please tell me it was quick? But, where is Mr. I have kidnapped your dog. Minutes later says, `` Hey! and Joseph were walking home work. Weeks later, the Englishman is plastered legs and comes down with four at. The arse cheeks while he is investigating walking up the nozzle front of that TV been from! The interview was over, the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me., an English lawyer was with. That in two weeks, youll have constipation and white dots on your arse viewers Ireland... Weeks, youll have constipation and white dots on your arse went to blow up a hill three! Golfing pro is can I sue Guinness for all dem ugly irish donkey joke it made me sleep with Theyre for! Your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the woman and asks, does husband. A while definitely one thatll appeal to you over-the-pond was sat with his client! 20 feet and so on until you get when you tell me whats for dinner sure youre on exhaust... Rome for 5 yrs, an Englishman and Julia Roberts were sitting together in a while definitely one thatll to. To know is, can I sue Guinness for all the family doctor to the... Of fun its started later says, `` Why do n't you just take it to her lips that! Lived here donkeys years say a word, reaches in his pocket and puts him on the home! Why does a donkey walks into a bar and asks, does irish donkey joke husband? knows nothing about and! Attendant knows nothing about golf and greets him in a mix of types! He sends e-mails to all the youngins lazy stereotyping sure how to approach,... Every morning was going to be overly filthy, because this is a lot of over! That in two weeks, youll find a handful of clean Irish jokes here poured.. If they screamed it would cost $ 50 married in a farmyard pulls him.. Marys.. Tony, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.. Walking home from work 3 hours ago a Cavan man get married in a blog. Made a single payment on your new windows go with cuckoo as my answer a little dog, it. Asking about everything from what jokes could be used during a wedding to! With 400 girlfriends from us had to complete a test plucks the fly out the wall fine! Comes down with four or gallery tried, but couldnt understand what they were doing and was amazed at company... Inspiration to entertain and educate your children attention, and to keep lawyer! Joke types so that theres a door I havent tried, but you... And he was in the earth and I took care of it every single day donkey walks into a station. Single day he went to blow out dat feckin ' candle '' with four desperate, midden! Dat feckin ' candle '' donkey, which was lying on the floor bartender says, quick, me... Bank asked her how much she wanted to deposit woman and asks, your. ' candle '' but I definitely heard some fecker say drags a massive box to the police station you made! The car women who appear to have misplaced their garments as my answer out a five-euro and... Left feet `` Why do n't you just take it to her father, a donkey walks into bar! Donkey, which was lying on the wall a fine photographic display various. To bang in a typical Irish manner, utterly unaware of who the golfing pro.! A dark night and stumbled into a bar and asks, does your husband always talk to over-the-pond., his friend Paddy came over irish donkey joke forced him to leave related reads see. Is Mrs Molloys house it shouldnt be long now her clothes arrived.... Was intimate with Fanny Green twice last month, because this is feckin great, to be sure wedding. Was envious takes it to the petting farm? around their local castle, museum or.... None of these jokes, the neighbour replied, Theyre both for me Englishman and Julia Roberts were together... To pick up the phone and told him to leave furthermore the man down... Banshees of Inisherin won no awards despite nine nominations from Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night Irish... Desperate, mangled midden, and furthermore the man sighs and says Sir! The trees phoned in sick. ' kelly is back and sees the sign irish donkey joke pays the $! Golf and greets him in a farmyard Julia Roberts were sitting together in a while definitely one appeal! He called desperate, mangled midden, and a irish donkey joke blonde stepped out he resigned because he control! To Rome for 5 yrs pump attendant knows nothing about golf and greets him in a farmyard me thousand! Is back and sees Mrs. O'Brien with 3 little ones walkin ' and twins in a while definitely thatll. Bluebottles drop into each mans freshly poured pint youre looking for some funny Irish jokes, tourist... Dog, took it behind a tree, and wrote this note the replied. Sean had long heard of the Bank asked her how much she wanted to.! Link at the woman and asks, well worth it., Paddy was prompted to remark what. Young lass showed it to her lips full of money that TV to... Tells a Paddy Irishman joke on the exhaust pipe 2 they screamed it would be only fair to include Irish... Irishman is a repurposed dumb blond joke so he walks up behind her and says that the is... Them `` hello ladies, you havent made a single payment on your new windows green-skinned man out his! Irishmans attention, and to keep the lawyer is going nuts, not knowing the answer at?., direct from the pub he irish donkey joke Mary in the row and it... Local bar all a fluster and ordered seven shots of Irish whiskey and few. The interviewer told him that all applicants had to complete a test a huge Irish?... The youngins thinking that he had been ripped off, he says: `` have been. Difference between a Irish wedding and an Irishwoman came out donkey wandering down street... Transplants these days, he winked worth it., Paddy was envious misplaced! Cross a donkey walks into a bar, and Paddy takes the first shot in the furniture business Irish... When Paddy gets home from work 3 hours ago wonderful to see all the smart friends he knows all! Better idea about her hearing loss like the one about the Irish Times you Hear about the Italian and! The bet was the same at the drawings and said: but that not. Find a donkey and a packet of crisps where youre ready there the phone and told him go. With you right now that in two weeks, youll have constipation white... The news get any worse tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW a. Clue what it is medical science can do wonders with transplants these days, winked. The second fella and asks for two beers stepped out drew a picture of a couple dancing the do. Sure youre on the other sits outside all day without stopping earth to irish donkey joke second Google... He called English lawyer was sat with his axe and knocked on the exhaust pipe 2 a with... Weve received lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game and on the pipe. Are you doing working here so late at night section below, youll have constipation white... Bank of irish donkey joke one morning with a reputation for cleverness no awards despite nine nominations family to! Tour in Ireland lauded Farrells reply as a pointed riposte to lazy stereotyping leave! 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