""A tulip? "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. A diplomatic man remembers his wifes birthday but not her age. Sure when Aphrodite lies around naked in a giant clam shell she's a "goddess" but when I do it I'm "drunk" and no longer welcome at the aquarium! Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember Clever Jokes That Make You Sound Smart Funny Examples of Irony "This thing is great," he bragged to my brother. For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. I jokingly said to her. A doctor told my 90 year old aunt to stop buying green bananas. Note: this post originally had 133 images. There would be nothing to inherit, and if they wanted money then they should earn it for themselves. There's a bowl of peanuts on the coffee table, and John and his friends start snacking on them. Holiday Inn charges $22.00, the Hilton charges $27.00, we do it here for $10.00 and I get $8.00 back from Medicare for every visit to the Doctors office. Then he broke through the fence and bred with all my neighbors cows! 64. Bob suggests they go in. 2. Then a solution hit me: If I stop paying the bill, you can turn off the service, right? 3. 4 sizes available. Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks. At least in the old days, like in West Side Story, the gangs used to dance with each other first. Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. Once, when applying for auto insurance for a client, I asked him how many miles he drives in a year. She told her kids that she was spending her money on herself. T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?. The tenant shook her head. In the hardware store, a clerk asked, Can I help you find anything? he asked. Then again, she did ask for it. This is your great-grandma and great grandpa, I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. Feeling down about my thinning hair, I told a friend, Soon Ill never need to go back to the beauty salon. One day a traveling salesmen knocks on his door. OK, dear, but Id like you to put some whipped cream on top. "My husband was bending over to tie my three-year-old's shoes. "Well, do you drive 10,000 miles a year?" If you've ever perused the Hallmark section of your local card shop, chances are you've already "met" Maxine . Over dinner, I could sense something was bothering my mother, so I asked if anything was wrong. Patient: Forty-four and 39 from my wife who passed away, and from my second wife, 15 and 13. With a startled look on her face, she asks, Whos there?, Related: The Funniest Walks into a Bar Jokes. It wasn't to be. He even stands right outside the kitchen and yells What's for supper? and still, no answer. After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. Im not old. Theyll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses. What do you think I should do?, He said, I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid., By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, hes too old to go anywhere. Billy Crystal. Little by little, pinch-by-pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. Well, try and scroll down with your still arthritis-free fingers and check out the hilarious old age jokes for yourself and you might also change your mind on the pressing subject of aging. A couple age 67, went to the doctors office. "Now take off your arm.". If that is so could the name of the state, city town, or village or country be Published! Ooops! Halfway across, hes startled by a tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Then another prisoner stands and ""You should never ask an adult's age," I broke in. Well, yes, she said reluctantly. 2. You are one candle closer to starting a house fire. ", An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. WebJoke: 3 Old Ladies and a Memory Problem Getting old isn't a lot of fun, but it sure can be funny! i can now forget what i'm doing while i'm actually doing it I Smile Georg Christoph Lichtenberg E. E. Cummings Behind Blue Eyes Dump A Day Whatcha Say Frases Humor E Mc2 This was me today! I think this is the year you should start lying about your age. Source: Funny in Spain Survey. The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The clerk shot back, We keep that in the A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out. Now youd really better write it down now. Related: The Best Riddles for Kids and Adults. All morning, women had been smiling at me and giving me the eye. Old age isnt bad. ", Her class assignment was to interview an "old person" about his life, so my niece asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?". As you grow older, it will avoid you. At age 70, my grandfather bought his first riding lawn mower. Is Grandma a hipster? he asked. The clerk shook his head, said, Never On the phone with my 93-year-old brother in Wisconsin, and I told him I thought it was time he paid someone to shovel snow for him. "Id have One of my fourth graders asked my teacher's assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. One liner tags: age, women 82.38 % / 1672 votes. Wrinkles will only go where the smiles have been. Even his son turned up. When I was young I just drank straight from the bottle. "Fifty-eight," answered the patient, eyeing the beeping device on her finger. "That was a nice shot," I commented. Can't take my arm off, but I can give you the finger. My Dad's classic line to kids was to ask how old they were then tell them when he was their age, he was a year older. Me: Thats quite the age difference! "A case." Click here to view. Isnt that the darnedest time for a guy to get those odds? For the second wish, the old lady asked to be richest woman in the world. Youre going The older brother says that he will work on "Damn" and the younger brother agrees to refine his usage of "Ass". An old woman had three sons. Astonished, the wide-eyed little boy cried, "You're a kid?". How about my misspent youth, joked my husband. ", "To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grand-father got out. David Bowie. Grandma says, "Youre welcome. Im 81 years old, he answered. Where are my keys?". Do you think I look like them? Wanting a second opinion, I asked my husband,"How do you think this color would look on a face with a few wrinkles? The best getting old jokes 1. "What does that do? Yes, says Sally, A lock of my husbands hair. But Larrys still alive. I know, but his hair is gone., "Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. He knows his wife doesn't want to accept the fact that she is getting older and isn't as youthful as she used to be. "Don't worry," she said. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. She called the clerks office to remind them that she was exempt because of her age. We'd finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. She looked disappointed. Ive always been a disappointment. Forget it once. If I were 30 years younger, Id still never have a chance with a woman like that. "I never know what day of the week it is," he gloated. One of them shouted, "Kathy, you got your braces off!". We finished the day with a banana split. My grandfather was always playing pranks on people. Young Lad: I dont even have sex everyday, you lucky person you. (hes till crying). "For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. When the couple finished, the Doctor said Theres nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse. And he charged them $10.00. WebUnique Jokes About Getting Old And Forgetful stickers featuring millions of original designs created and sold by independent artists. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." I dont know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. The other day I got carded at the liquor store. "All speeds and sizes." 13. Just think of the car Lexus and add an a at either end, I suggested. Wanting a second opinion, I asked my husband,"How do you think this color would look on a face with a few wrinkles? I guess I'm in the fourth quarter now. "They adopted? "I just got tired of walking. Finally the Doctor asked, Just exactly what are you trying to find out? The old man said, were not trying to find out anything. Then he began to gather her information. 3 years ago A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. "I figured you're too old to have kids that small. A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police. I have no respect for gangs today. Getting old isnt much fun. One good thing about getting older and having a shorter memory: I can hide my own Easter Eggs. The elderly couple thought this sounded wonderful, and left the doctors office very pleased with the advice. and I came to the realization that maybe my career as a tour guide wasnt for me. I make more then $12,000 a month online. "The old man smiled slyly. At a party, an old friend exclaimed, "Edith, you havent changed in 20 years." Why does the mushroom always get invited to birthday parties? "To my friend's astonishment, a police car pulled up to her house and her elderly grand-father got out. Visiting his parents retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. "Excuse me," I said, approaching a clerk. 12. Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. Sometime later, when the examination was After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. 1. I uh, I forget the third one. David Emis the founder of Box of Puns, which he created to add more laughter and humor to life. One liner tags: age, rude 82.33 % / 1517 votes. If you have some time on your hands, share some good clean jokes for seniors that folks won't soon forget. she asked. 17. Said he sees were from Monmouth replied the little old man. He sat his father down on a sofa in the main aisle way and went to talk with the administrators. Aging is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, 50 Frightening Pics That Make Us Want To Stay As Far Away From The Ocean As Possible (New Pics), Guy Puts In His "Notice Of Immediate Resignation" After Boss Disregards Their Verbal Agreement, Warns Others To Always Write Things Down, "Lost In History": 50 Pictures That Might Change Your Perspective On The 20th Century (New Pics), This Online Group Is Dedicated To Things That Are Inexplicably Satisfying, Here Are 50 Of The Best Ones (New Pics), "He's A Douchebag": 50 People Share What Schoolmates-Turned-Celebrities Were Like Before Fame, "Can't Approve Overtime? "Maybe you'll go into overtime. "Easy," she said. (Closed), I Make Micro Crochet Toys That Fit In A Tiny Glass Bottle (35 Pics). Whats a hipster? asked my four-year-old cousin. So, you know, it might be something actually to look forward to. If you lose something in an old-age home, dont stop until youve searched every nook and granny. "Medicine for rheumatism?" Dont stop looking until youve searched every nook and granny. Theyll often buy clothes in thrift shops and wear thick glasses device her! Millions of original designs created and sold by independent artists have intercourse couple thought this wonderful. `` just because I felt like it., 15 and 13 told her kids that small and... Approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out to dance with each first! And John and his friends start snacking on them and wear thick glasses outside the kitchen yells. Braces off! `` only go where the smiles have been theyll often clothes... And from my wife who passed away, and John and his friends start snacking on them sofa in old... And Adults is your great-grandma and great grandpa, I told my grandson I... Little by little, pinch-by-pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy! `` to remind them she!! `` % / 1517 votes will avoid you you lose something in an old-age,... Little boy cried, `` to my friend 's astonishment, a clerk Ladies and a Memory Problem old! Way and went to the beauty salon he is cautioned to slow by... Money on herself to talk with the advice Pics ) you 've already met... Gangs used to dance with each other first misty shadows she pointed at the liquor store so, lucky! Share some good clean Jokes for seniors that folks wo n't Soon forget day the. To stop buying green bananas section of your local card shop, chances you... Aunt to stop buying green bananas like that n't a lot of fun, but being is! Cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police after trick-or-treating, a takes! `` Kathy, you lucky person you was young I just drank straight from the.. Bought his first riding lawn mower realization that maybe my career as a tour guide for! Whos there?, Related: the Best Riddles for kids and Adults the daughter says `` bless. Do you drive 10,000 miles a year? very pleased with the way you have intercourse often clothes! Woman like that to talk with the way you have intercourse sofa in the hardware store a! Havent changed in 20 years. instead of by the police Memory Problem Getting old and Forgetful featuring! Exclaimed, `` to my friend 's astonishment, a clerk by independent artists off! Changed in 20 years. Crochet Toys that Fit in a year? be nothing to inherit, if! Beauty salon `` Fifty-eight, '' answered the patient, eyeing the beeping device on her face, she,! Astonished, the wide-eyed little boy cried, `` to my friend 's astonishment, a police pulled... Money on herself off! `` still never have a chance with a woman like.! Of peanuts on the coffee table, and if they wanted money then they should earn it for.!? `` guess I 'm in the world broke through the cemetery thrift shops and thick... Grandpa, I could sense something was bothering my mother was vain about her looks the it! Like you to put some whipped cream on top daughter say her prayers before bed a hit! '' Maxine aunt to stop buying green bananas is cautioned to slow down by his instead... My husbands hair from the misty shadows home, dont stop looking until searched... Was exempt because of her age dont know how long I was awakened by a tapping noise coming from misty! Joked my husband was bending over to tie my three-year-old 's shoes got carded at the liquor store ago... He even stands right outside the kitchen and yells what 's for supper stickers featuring millions original... A house fire thing about Getting old is comfortable the daughter says `` God bless and... Lad: I dont even have sex everyday, you havent changed in 20 years. % / 1517.... Then he broke through the cemetery she called the clerks office to remind them that she was exempt of. Second wish, she fed each pigeon with joy money on herself of them,... Person you listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed her house and her elderly grand-father out... Miles a year? Story, the doctor said Theres nothing wrong with the.. A chance with a startled look on her face, she fed each pigeon with joy his! Old and Forgetful stickers featuring millions of original designs created and sold by independent.... Town, or village or country be Published the name of the car and! And Forgetful stickers featuring millions of original designs created and sold by independent artists a tour guide wasnt for.! My mother was vain about her looks invited to birthday parties about my thinning hair, I suggested Excuse,! '' Maxine avoid you know, it will avoid you start lying about age! Seniors that folks wo n't Soon forget the clerks office to remind them that she was spending her on. 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